In 1939, the world was at war. Just when people were busy
preparing for the 20th anniversary of end of the war that ended all wars. As
always, it's blamed on the absence of a local area network that would have
allowed a handful of leaders like Hitler, Mussolini, Churchill, Stalin,
Roosevelt, etc. to play a few hours of Counterstrike and settle it like
gentlemen. Instead, they all forced young men, who were preoccupied with
countless hours of playing battleships in bathtubs, to various battlefields
across the world. As one radio announcer famously said, “In times like these,
it's helpful to remember that there have always been times like these.” So let’s
go back in time to try and laugh at what was arguably the worst joke on
mankind.
September, 1939: Hitler’s army invades Poland. The Poles cry
foul about not being intimated of the same. Hitler says, “It’s a postal delay. Not
my fault.” and continues his march.
November, 1939: Russians try and enter Finland when the rest
of Europe fights Hitler. Only to be greeted by a particularly potent round of Molatov
Cocktail by the Finns. The Russians find the cocktail a little too hard to
digest.
June, 1940: Hitler wants a Patel snap taken in front of the
Eiffel Tower. So he only bombs the rest of France.
September, 1940: Italians surprise Egypt and invade it. The
Egyptians crib, stating that they were only warned about a roman outfit. But they
were thoroughly confused when none of the soldiers were seen in togas.
1941: Germany, Italy, and Japan enforce the Tripartite Pact
on the rest of the world, and decide to sell their cars all over the world.
December, 1941: Going against their turn, the Japanese tag
the Americans at Pearl Harbor. Now the yanks are forced to enter the field and
play.
June, 1942: The Americans finally catch up with the Japanese
in the Pacific, in an obscure atoll in the middle of nowhere called Midway.(Duh!)
November, 1942: The Americans finally stop the Japanese from
hop-scotching their way into Australia by cutting them off at Solomon Islands
January, 1943: Soviets attack Germans in Stalingrad
July, 1943: British attack Germans in Hamburg
October, 1943: Confused Italians attack Germans. Not really.
Turns out some idiot didn’t realise they were playing with Friendly Fire on.
June, 1944: D-Day landings successfully carried out. German
failure is blamed on the inability to expand D-Day.
December, 1944: Nearly 300,000 men participate in a German
offensive called “Battle of the Bulge”. The Japanese feel offended at not being
invited on account of not being suitably endowed.
April, 1945: Hitler marries Eva Braun. A few days later, he
shoots himself.
August, 1945: The world finally realizes that the Atom Bomb
is more than just a noisy cracker from Sivakasi.
Following the 6 year war that would kill millions of people, the world finally realised that at the end of the war, it really didn’t matter who was right. What mattered was
who was left. And that’s who we’ll discuss in the next history lesson. A generation that tried rather unsuccessfully to prevent war, while being committed to prepare for it.
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